you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
