He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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