bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
