My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
