If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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