Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
