Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
she peed on how many people?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
