I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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