I met the friendliest cop last night
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
