the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
