he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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