Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
