Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
