I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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