HIV tests are more positive than that guy
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
