the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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