He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
