How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
