I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Randomize
