every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
