Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
