Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
