pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
