I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
