Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
