had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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