can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
