She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
