He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
