Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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