I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Randomize
