____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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