dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
