I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
soo... how was my night?
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