On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
