I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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