have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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