Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
