I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
