I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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