peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
