I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My pussy is not your playground.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
