dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Is Oprah even human
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
