I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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