Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
