the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
