He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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