my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
