I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
