i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
