If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
