Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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