he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
