hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
