we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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