Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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