This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
