It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I currently don't understand fingers.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
